Soliloquy
by The Omniscient Bookseller
Summary: Everyone writes slash about Jack, but did you ever think how Sarah would feel? Rather angsty, mentions of slash.


I don't own Sarah (which is fine with me), Jack, David, or any other newsies characters mentioned. 

I don't think you know what it's like. You're so used to all your fame and glory, you don't understand how much like a 

shadow I am. Without you, I am nothing. No one knows me as Sarah, I am "Jack's girl". My one claim to fame, the one 

thing about me that anyone cares to know is you. I'm your girl, what else could I want? It's more than I've had before. I'm 

a poor girl from a poor family, a second mother to my siblings when our own is too busy. I do what I can to help us all, I 

wash and sew and work for everyone, and never take it for myself. I am quiet, and obedient. I'm not even worth looking 

at for most people. Until you came. You are the only person to really look behind the front I put up for my family. You are 

the only person who knows the real me, I think. Without you, my life is nothing. 

But don't you know how terrible it is to love the same person as my brother? And don't you think I know you as I know

him? And don't you know how thin the walls of this tenement are? And yes, I was listening. I heard when David told you. 

I heard when he couldn't hold it inside anymore. And I heard when he showed you, that first time. Day after day, I catch 

glimpses of the two of you, behind closing doors and turning sharp corners. You think you hide it so well, but you don't, 

not really. Not from someone like me, who knows you better than you know yourself. 

I am caught between what is right and what I want. I should spare you the pain, tell you I know, it's all right, stop 

pretending. But I can't bring myself to do it. I can't bring myself to end this, to end all we've had together, even if it is a lie. 

I know you will avoid me at every turn, you'll look away when I pass you on the way to his room, or in the hall. You'll find 

an excuse to be somewhere else, and I'm not sure I can bear it. To lose the only person who ever really knew. 

So I wait, and I treasure each moment with you. I pray that today will not be the day when you gather up your courage to 

tell me. I store each passing second in my memory, so that when that day has come, I can look back on these times. It will 

be something, at least. I wait, and I watch, and I pretend I don't see the pain in your eyes. I pretend that I'm not as 

nervous and uncomfortable as you are. I pretend that I know nothing, that everything is as it used to be. 

Because I do love you, Jack Kelly. I love you more than anything on this earth. I love the way you toss your hair out of 

your way, I love the way your eyes twinkle with private laughter. I love your cocky grin, your careless manner. I love the 

way you have appointed yourself king of these streets, these streets I don't belong in. I love your self-assured style, and 

I love the lonely orphan child in you that you think I don't see. 

I don't know why you took me in the first place. Maybe to prove to yourself that you could love a girl. It's not only love I

want. It's what you give me. A chance to be myself, away from all the worry and hard work of my life. You let me tell you 

my thoughts and my secrets, you take me seriously. You understand. I now I am going to lose you. I've lost your love 

already, I know that, but how can you expect me to deal with losing everything else? I wish you could understand that we

can be friends, that I won't despise you after you say it. I know you won't believe it, though. 

So all I can do is watch and wait and pretend I don't see. I can't help you out of this, I can't lessen your pain, don't you

understand? I love you, and without you I am nothing. I am my mother all over again. I will be the perfect, obedient 

housewife for some man who wants only that. You're the only one who expects something more from me. And without 

you, I will never be more. Don't you see now why I can't let you go? Why I can't give up these last shards of a better life? 

Will you forgive me, then, for not ending this myself? For not having the strength to do it? I never will. Because you are my 

strength. You are another part of my being. And without you, I am only half a person once again. 

Without you, I am nothing. 


End file.
